Glucose

It’s now one week since I started this my lifestyle change adventure and so far so tough.  For some strange reason I have found myself been drawn to all the fat people programs on TV. From my big fat diet shoe to Weight Loss Ward to Embarrassing Fat Bodies I have watched all of them. The channels just seem to find me like we are related. I have found them very inspiring that it can be done. People that you thought their only help will be anointing olive oil and a trip to TB Joshua are actually shedding pounds by changing their lifestyle

I was not looking forward to Sunday morning at all. Sunday morning is when I have my “welcome to London” big boy breakfast. I really cherish it because most times as Naija people what we have is morning food and not breakfast.  If you eat yesterday’s rice or Yam and stew in the morning, what you are having is morning food. What makes a meal breakfast is bread and egg or you can manage plantain. Sundays, I like to feel among with my bacon, sausage, scrambled egg, hash brown and fish fingers. I add Agege bread and drink milo to remember the motherland. This Sunday, I ate two weetabix with semi-skimmed milk. How art the mighty fallen! If you had seen me that morning you would have thought na my world bad pass,  but nothing spoil still. I revenged in the afternoon with a junior portion of rice and stew.

I have also reinvigorated my gym attendance.  I have mapped out a training program for myself as I need to do at least 200 minutes of exercise a week. No be small thing o.  Monday night was gym night. As I kitted up and looked at the mirror, what came to my mind was that time OBJ wore track suit. Anyway I no send as no be fashion parade. I got to gym and jumped on a cross trainer and endured 20 minutes, I have not sweated like that in years.  Confidence can be a bad thing, as I finished the cross trainer, I was now feeling like Usain Bolt. I wanted to run. If devil wants to punish you he gives you series of warnings if you don’t listen he will add jara. I saw some guys doing something that looked like a competition, instead of me to face east and do my own  thing jejely, I went to ask them how far. First warning.   They said they are doing a mini competition to see how fast you can run on the treadmill for 10 minutes. I said eh eh. They asked do I want to join? Second warning. Instead of me to say no, I said “why not”. That’s how I climbed treadmill. At first I noticed I was slower than the other people. In my mind I said what happened between the hare and tortoise in 1958 will repeat itself today. Slow and steady wins the race. After like 5 minutes I noticed these guys were not slowing down, so I decided to open up. Final warning. My acceleration did not have part 2.  I was really feeling like Chidi Imoh because at the speed I was going no how I will not win. It was at minute 7 it happened.  The feeling I had, was only ever experienced once before when one ECOMOG soldier gave me a reversing slap in front of Bonny Camp for wearing a camouflage face cap. That kind of slap where your breathing will cease for like 5 seconds and you will be seeing multi-coloured cartoon stars and all that you can remember is when you were young. When this happened nobody told me to stop the machine and jump down. Life does not have duplicate. One of the guys noticed I was not feeling ok so he gave me a seat and asked me if I was OK and needed anything. My mind was now already in inter house sports mode and all I could say was “Glucose”

On the upside I lost 2.2 Kg. Not bad for week one

End of the Scale

It was the day I always dreaded but knew would come. All the years of big stouting, nkwobing, cream caking, shortbread biscuiting and assorted meat in double portions has finally come home to roost. It was New Year's Day and I was searching desperately for what my goal or resolution for 2013 would be and then it happened. From the back alleys of a junk cupboard I discovered a scale. One of those old fashioned white analogue scales with the red marker. I just said let me even try myself and jumped on top. As I put my first leg I could swear I heard the scale say "ejoo" In Yoruba. With confidence I put my second leg, chest out and shoulders relaxed, I looked down, ah "mo ti ja scale !" for those who don 't understand Yoruba, I finished the scale, I saw the end of it. The worst part is that like a very bad Nollywood movie, the scale told me there is still part 2 to be continued.

That is my wake up call. My doctor has also told me that if I don't want to learn new things in this life, my BMI has to reduce drastically. As a start I have now bought a new modern digital scale with extra capacity. Now I know the full size of the problem and believe me it's more of a mountain than a molehill. I have also downloaded the myfitnesspal app for iPad. This is really helpful as I can track all the calories I eat in a day to achieve my goal. It tells me my Net calories (food intake less exercise) for a day should be 1680. That is tough considering that one generous plate of Pounded yam, Egusi soup and assorted meat with 2 cans of chilled Stella Artois will easily top that. Lest I forget there should also be at least 200 minutes of exercise a week as well. No yawa with determination, Okada will overtake trailer.

I have decided to set myself small targets and by God's special grace I haven't fallen off the wagon yet. Came very close last Friday at a friends party. All my men were there each with there own Stella's, small stouts and brandy's and there I was nursing a 400 ml bottle of water like say na Moët Rose I dey drink. Funny enough all that didn't tempt me that much but when I saw puff puff I had to say devil get behind me. Like devil said to Jesus, that puff puff promised me the whole earth if I would take a bite or two. But as an Igbo man, I have already calculated that I will make more profit on calories by eating meat and rice than that puff puff.

My journey continues and 5 days in, I am making steady progress. Lets see how it goes.