Smart answers

Smart answer by a female passenger on a flight...

A guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him...
'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...😍 I want to give it to my wife..!!'
Lady: 'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!'

A letter from a teacher to a parent:
Dear Parent,
Kamal doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bath him.

Parent's answer:
Dear Teacher, Kamal is not a rose, Don't smell him,Teach him ......

Mother to Son: Who is Sultan Aziz?
Son : Don't know 🤔
Mother : Devote some time to pay attention to study also
Son to Mother : Do you know Aunty Yasmeen?
Mother : Don't know
Son: Sometimes pay attention to Daddy also 😝😜😜
❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌

A cute excuse:
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher: So what makes you late if they were fighting?
Student: One of my shoes was in mom's hand, and the other in dad's..😂😂😝😜

❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌

Wife: I hate that beggar.
Husband: Why?
Wife: Rascal, yesterday I gave him food. Today he gave me a book on
"How to Cook !!! 😡👌😂😜😃😄
❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌
Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.
Wife: Did u drink?????
Husband : no!
Wife:  Idiot!!! then why are you typing on a suitcase?!!!
😜😂😝🍻👍
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Just for Laughs

(1)  

Put your wife in a room & lock it. 

Put your dog in another room & lock it !!! 

Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !  

(Group members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!)  

 

Don't laugh loud ----  

The extended version says...

 

2) 

Put your husband in a room & lock it. 

Put your dog in another room & lock it !!! 

Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!  

3) 

Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver. 

Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "if I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!!

 

(4) 

If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable. 

If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

 

(5) 

A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband… 

 “Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…"!!!!  

 

(6) 

Million Dollar Truth: 

If Saturday and Sunday doesn't excite you, then change your Friends. 

If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession. 

If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work, then you should change your spouse!!

 

(7) 

Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married? 

That was common sense leaving your body. 

 

(8)

Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once… 

But many people still go to their in-laws place..?

 

(9) 

Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day! 

Dad: What role are you playing? 

Pappu: A husband! 

Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues! 

 

(10)

Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”. 

Man inside: “I am talking to my wife” 

 

(11) 

A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage.. 

She said- “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot” 

 

(12) 

Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor! 

 

(13) 

Best one line ad by a married man on OLX: 

"For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by Mistake"

Have a laff

Laugh it off!

1. When your life is in darkness, Pray to God and ask Him to free you from darkness..... and

If you are still in darkness ..Please  pay your Electricity bill;

2. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,

You can be sure of one thing;

Either the car is new or the wife;

3. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when both are pregnant;

4. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack and our driver ran away...;

5.  A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?

Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential;

Laughter is the best medicine...... 

Have a laugh!

Copied by Ike Onwubuya

Package Yourself - Humour

BTo Package urself no be crime....

NEW JOB TITLES:

*Gardener: Landscape Executive Officer (LEO)

*House Maid : House Upkeep Manager (HUM)

*Receptionist : Office Access Control Manager(OACM)

*Typist : Printed Document Handler (PDH)

*Messenger : Business Communications Conveyor Specialist (BCCS)

*Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician (TWT)

*Temporary Teacher : Associate Tutor (AT)

*Tea Boy : Refreshment Specialist (RS)

*Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Engineer (PSE)

*Watchman : Theft Prevention & Surveillance Officer (TPSO)

*Thief : Wealth re-Distribution Expert (WrDE)

*Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist (APS)

*Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist (DOS)

*Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager (AM)

*Bus Conductor:Chief Exit Officer(CEO)

*Cook : Gastrointestina l Nourishment Management Executive(GNMO)

*Barber: Dead Scalp Cells Removal Specialist (DSCRS) 

Do Not Forget 

*Unemployed : Town Surveyor (TS)

*Gossip : Research & Communications Manager (RCM).

*Bad Belle pple: Research, Analysis & Criticism Specialist (RACS)

*Local Drunk: Alcohol Testing & Maintenance Executive (ATME)

*Mechanic: Automotive Fault Tracing & Correction Engineer (AFTCE)

*Tailor: Couture Fabrication Specialist (CFS)

 Wealth re-Distribution Consultant (IWDC)

Enjoy your day. Ike Onwubuya

Pidgin English Proverbs

1.       Person wey no get money go say small stout dey bitter.

2.       Na when soldier slap you, you go sabi say police na your friend!

3.       Lizard wey fall from tree, if nobody hail am, e go hail imsef.

4.       Na who first buy motor, buy old model

5.       Na pikin wey nor know him mama boyfriend dey call am ‘UNCLE’

6.       Person wey no hear be careful go hear how manage

7.       No be everybody wey wear white for Oba Palace be Chief, Some na yam dem come pound

8.       Nor be who call police dey win case

9.       Person wey madman don bite before if him see mechanic he go take off

10.   Na when trees near each other Monkey dey show skill